The lovely Lizzy @unworthy_mamma has very kindly given me permission to share her deeply personal poem to raise awareness and have her voice heard. It is based on the subject of sexual abuse, so please only read if you currently feel safe.
“I didn’t want to but I couldn’t say no
He followed me from room to room as I’d go
Searching for a place to hide from him
But I knew I was defeated and he’d eventually win
I remember he stood in the doorway light
A shadow casting a sense of his might
That stretched out and crawled to the edge of my bed
An unspoken deed that filled me with dread
I couldn’t say no because I had no power
I was afraid his insistence would quickly turn sour
I couldn’t say no
I had no choice you see
He saw a f**kable body
And decided to take me
I remember the sweat and the weight of his bulk
Whilst I lay passive blocking out his guttural grunts
I looked at the crack in the ceiling above
That moved with his thrusting, panting and shoves
He pushed himself inside and I floated away
Removed from the physical place where I lay
Once finished he got up and left with no words
I curled up like a child
Scared and unheard
You see I didn’t really know I had a choice
Too young and insecure to use my voice
I couldn’t say no
No one told me so
Rather everyone said being wanted is the ultimate goal
Afterwards I floated back into this skin
His smell and his sweat lingering still
Now my mind’s with the body I’d left on that bed
Aware of the silent tears I unconsciously shed
I cried empty tears that were hollow and numb
Forever filled with shame, self-loathing and regret
For the damage he’d done”.
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